To Be Her...

Natalie turned to the scrapbook. Here was a picture of Jessica Alba, a Roxy bikini ad, and a Sports Illustrated photo of Olympic runner, Marian Jones. “That was my goal.” She said, “To be her. The strongest least feminine athlete, and pure muscle.” Next to her objective was a poem and a handful of photos of Natalie crossing the finish after winning a number of races. One year after Natalie created her scrapbook, Marian Jones would admit to steroid use and return all 5 Medals to the Olympic committee.

From the "Running On Empty" story.

Running On Empty: CONFIDENTIAL

In her hand Natalie held a file that read “CONFIDENTIAL” with three asterisks flanking each side of the bold lettering, indicating it’s weight. Below it read “Children's & Women's Health Centre Of British Columbia” She continued reading out loud, the notes the Nurse Clinician had written her ten years ago when she was first enlisted into the Youth Health Program.

From the "Running On Empty" story.

Running On Empty: Freedom & Enable

“After your mother found the guarana pills, you looked them up and talked about the potential side effects and mechanism of action together. Initially, you felt that guarana would give you freedom and enable you to be more relaxed and enjoy eating and food. It seemed that guarana could work as a safety net, You were hopeful that it might quiet feelings which interferes with your ability to eat, and quiet the urge to vomit.”

From the "Running On Empty" story.

Running On Empty

“Dear Natalie,

Thank you for coming to meet me in clinic today. This letter will provide us both with the opportunity to review what we discussed together. We talked about the guarana supplements that you tried this summer. Your mother found them and was very upset. You understood this reaction, and felt it was appropriate because as you no know, the dietary supplement, guarana has some significant health risks.“

Before we began taking photos, Natalie led me into her room to show me some important things to help me understand how far she had come. Natalie pulled out a few items, including her old hospital wristbands, dated 15 August 2005 along with a weathered scrapbook, but it was evident she was most interested in the file folder.

Running On Empty

It is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (#NEDAwareness), so a friend Natalie and I would like to share her intimate recovery story on bulimia nervosa over the next few days. We’ve been working together for many months now- going for coffee, talking on the phone, photographing on multiple occasion, and exchanging countless emails- in order to get this right. Natalie use to battle her own pressure for perfection with resistance, yet it was her passive mindful meditation that would give her the tools to start living a healthy life again. But it didn’t come easy.

From the "Running On Empty" story.