"Balance, Variety, Moderation."

“My mom was and still is my biggest support and hero in my life. In the midst of her fighting and struggling with how to help me find the proper professional support, she wrote on a piece of lined paper "balance, variety, moderation." I still have that piece of paper 11 years later which is crazy, but in some ways I think that was a start of entertaining the idea that someday I would want that in my life and be "better" or have a "normal" relationship with my body in regards to control- but mostly mentally rather than physically. At first I started addressing this piece of paper in regards to food, then exercise and then as I got older I thought about social life, sleep, work, partying etc. It is 3 words that are far too simple for some to probably believe, but for me it’s a little reminder, or piece of hope."

Words by Natalie to finish off your "Running On Empty" story.

Like many people who have an eating disorder Natalie struggled with depression, anxiety and obsessive thought patterns. When the nurse suggested she look at her condition as a physiological disorder she found new venues to help reconnect the dots of body, soul and mind.

From our Runnin On Empty story.

I asked Natalie why she wanted to take nude photographs of herself. “The importance in having nudity, is the relationship with accepting sexuality as well as self worth. I dreaded having to be so vulnerable to myself and someone else- when I was, I didn’t always understand that it is okay to want to feel special, exciting, pretty, mysterious, emotional or sexual. It was easier to shut those feelings off. I would say the importance or relevance is closely tied with a "rebirth" or regeneration of love for myself.”

Part of our Running On Empty story.

“I was really good at running and eventually the love for it was lost when all I focused on was training and being the best yet I wasn't fueling myself properly so it was like running on empty or hitting a brick wall in a way. I was my own worst enemy by not having realistic goals or a sense of balance and what happiness was for ME not anyone else (coaches, parents, teachers, etc.) The first time I was told to lose 5 or so pounds was in grade 9 and that was the first time that had been said by a coach, I used that as permission to keep a certain size because it was for my "sport.””

Shot for "Running On Empty"

To Be Her...

Natalie turned to the scrapbook. Here was a picture of Jessica Alba, a Roxy bikini ad, and a Sports Illustrated photo of Olympic runner, Marian Jones. “That was my goal.” She said, “To be her. The strongest least feminine athlete, and pure muscle.” Next to her objective was a poem and a handful of photos of Natalie crossing the finish after winning a number of races. One year after Natalie created her scrapbook, Marian Jones would admit to steroid use and return all 5 Medals to the Olympic committee.

From the "Running On Empty" story.