"Balance, Variety, Moderation."
“My mom was and still is my biggest support and hero in my life. In the midst of her fighting and struggling with how to help me find the proper professional support, she wrote on a piece of lined paper "balance, variety, moderation." I still have that piece of paper 11 years later which is crazy, but in some ways I think that was a start of entertaining the idea that someday I would want that in my life and be "better" or have a "normal" relationship with my body in regards to control- but mostly mentally rather than physically. At first I started addressing this piece of paper in regards to food, then exercise and then as I got older I thought about social life, sleep, work, partying etc. It is 3 words that are far too simple for some to probably believe, but for me it’s a little reminder, or piece of hope."
Words by Natalie to finish off your "Running On Empty" story.
By now I had stopped what I was doing, grabbed my notepad and replayed the passage Natalie left on my voicemail. "For the first time in human history, we are faced with real, tangible threats to the existence of our planet, our earthly body. We find ourselves asking questions just like the mother of an anorexic: “How could things have gotten so out of control?” How could we have ignored, for so long, the symptoms and cries of this beautiful body? How can we now, after so many wounds and scars and toxins have been dumped into the blood and air and tissue of this earth, turn it around? Is it even possible to change the ingrained beliefs and behaviors from unconscious, destructive, and life threatening conscious, creative, and life affirming? Can we come out of denial and realize that our lives depend on it?" (It’s Not About Food- by Carol Normandi)
Part of our Running On Empty story.
Running On Empty
“Dear Natalie,
Thank you for coming to meet me in clinic today. This letter will provide us both with the opportunity to review what we discussed together. We talked about the guarana supplements that you tried this summer. Your mother found them and was very upset. You understood this reaction, and felt it was appropriate because as you no know, the dietary supplement, guarana has some significant health risks.“
Before we began taking photos, Natalie led me into her room to show me some important things to help me understand how far she had come. Natalie pulled out a few items, including her old hospital wristbands, dated 15 August 2005 along with a weathered scrapbook, but it was evident she was most interested in the file folder.
Running On Empty
It is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (#NEDAwareness), so a friend Natalie and I would like to share her intimate recovery story on bulimia nervosa over the next few days. We’ve been working together for many months now- going for coffee, talking on the phone, photographing on multiple occasion, and exchanging countless emails- in order to get this right. Natalie use to battle her own pressure for perfection with resistance, yet it was her passive mindful meditation that would give her the tools to start living a healthy life again. But it didn’t come easy.
From the "Running On Empty" story.