Running On Empty
“Dear Natalie,
Thank you for coming to meet me in clinic today. This letter will provide us both with the opportunity to review what we discussed together. We talked about the guarana supplements that you tried this summer. Your mother found them and was very upset. You understood this reaction, and felt it was appropriate because as you no know, the dietary supplement, guarana has some significant health risks.“
Before we began taking photos, Natalie led me into her room to show me some important things to help me understand how far she had come. Natalie pulled out a few items, including her old hospital wristbands, dated 15 August 2005 along with a weathered scrapbook, but it was evident she was most interested in the file folder.
We Placed Your Ashes Under A Tree, But You'll Burn My Ashes Under The Sea.
Leica M2 | 35mm Voigtlander lens | Ilford HP5
Why I don't Shoot Weddings.
Here's an outtake from a shoot I did circa 2010. It's been suggested to me countless times, "You should shoot weddings... Who cares if you hate it, you can make a killing!" Truth be told, shooting weddings are a huge turn off for me because of all the artificial, juvenile, and short lived fleeting relationships around me. It gives me the shits thinking about it. That being said there are a number of wedding photographers out there who specialize in this field and are doing a great job, capturing those moments and making 10 times what I make. "3k in a day! How could you pass that up Alex!?" How bout 5k, 10k? Because It taxes me emotionally, and artistically. It's just not me. I'd rather photograph a couple making love.
Bronica sq -80mm lens- Ilford HP5 iso400
"I’m trying to ask simpler question's, but I can’t find a simple question?" I say to Alexa, frustrated.
She is silent at first, then begins. "Yesterday I visited my aunt in the hospital. She maybe weighs 85 lbs now… and what I realized is that as we die we literally just become more of Love. There is only Love left. I can't even begin to explain the weight of the experience to be there with her, to hug her, and to hear her tell me how proud she is of me. I am sitting with all this and going to write it into a piece this week. In terms of simple questions, fuck yes, the questions are goddam simple. How can we be kinder? How can I be more of Love?"
"Damn," I say woken by how potent her words are, knowing I can be a better me as she guides my finger towards myself.
Shot for Alexa Mazzarello's unreleased website. See the rest of the series here.
